Minister of Shalom

All God!

2009-08-06T22:52:00.002-04:00

Friends, I have some exciting news about God moving through my annual conference. While at Taize, I felt led to approach the Bishop of the GNJ conference about the possibility of having some of the youth and young adults from my conference partner with his conference to go on the Taize trip next year. Taize has been such a great experience, and has helped so much in my discernment process, I want to share that with others.

So today before my meeting I emailed my bishop proposing that we think about making this connection and seeing what could come of it, not really expecting a reply any time in the near future. A few hours later I had an email from her secretary saying that the Bishop had read the email and was ready to make it happen.

Then in my hotel lobby in Nashville who should I run into by the Bishop from the GNJ conference, so we had a few moments to chat about this as well.

Friends, this is all God. God is opening doors left and right and is on the move. Please be in prayer with me about how God would like to have my conference involved in Taize.

Taize: Theologically Perplexed

2009-08-05T21:39:00.002-04:00

Theologically I have been perplexed while at Taize. One of the ordained elders on the trip from the conference was quite rude to everyone on the trip, which made me question how one can be a pastor wile being so cynical that it is just mean.

I also am questioning whether worship can be forced, as it was during times on this trip. And if worship is required what will the consequences be?

Taize: The Jigsaw Puzzle

2009-08-05T21:36:00.002-04:00

As I thought about my call while at Taize, I saw a giant jigsaw puzzle where I only have a few of the pieces and no complete picture to aspire and work towards. I feel as if I have all of these desires placed on my heart by God - to learn massage therapy, to be an ordained elder, to write, to travel the world, to get a PhD, to learn sign language, and to be a community organizer yet I cannot see if or how they are to fit together. I just need to let God put the puzzle together and let the picture emerge.

Taize: Time

2009-08-05T21:34:00.002-04:00

On one of our last days, all of the American gathered with a Brother who was from America. We were discussing how to live out Taize and a lot of people were talking about changing how they spend their time - especially eliminating time on the cell phone or on the internet. And I came to the realization that I don't want to change that aspect because God is using my facebook time, emails, and phone calls to touch others. I just have to continue to use my time for the Kingdom/ Kindom purpose.

Taize: Wilderness

2009-08-05T21:29:00.000-04:00

Question: How can I encounter God in my wilderness?

Answer (paraphrased): We look to be transfigured with Christ on the mountain top, when really lasting change happens in the valley. - Hector

Taize: Experiencing Prayer

2009-08-05T21:25:00.003-04:00

I had many amazing times of prayer at Taize and many blessed conversations about prayer with my small group. The pastor in our group seemed to dismiss some peoples prayer experience including my own. A group of us went off for a time of silent meditation and all found that we had the same experience - we had no need for words because we were so fully in God's presence. Yet, she encouraged that we think about centering prayer instead. The thing is, we weren't distracted. I had no other thought about anything or anyone other than God during my time. In striving to be a pastor see missed the moment. This was such a teaching moment for me not be so wrapped up in a role that I lack a beginners mind.

Taize: Speaking Christianese Part 2

2009-08-05T21:23:00.003-04:00

One of the other Christian statements that I have been troubled by this week is "hate the sin and love the sinner." After talking to many of my friends who have had this thrown in their face, especially about their sexuality, I have began to see it through their eyes as a damning statement. We are called to love, not judge.

Taize: Thinking Outside of the Box

2009-08-05T21:17:00.002-04:00

I have always said that I can see the God piece inside of people. Or at least I hope to see people with God's eyes. The more time I spent at Taize, I began to see that God is like a white light being shown through a mirror, breaking into a rainbow of colors. Each color is a piece of the light but not the original light itself. And we are like the light, getting just a piece of God's light inside of each of us, and we all need to come together, with our God light shining, in order to be a beautiful rainbow and a true reflection of the light.

Taize: Speaking Christianese

2009-08-05T09:31:00.003-04:00

During my time in Taize was I was able to interact with people all along the dimensions of spirituality and faith. The more I spent time with them, the more I became perplexed by common Christian phrases that are often thrown around in the church such as "its about a relationship not a religion". One of my small group members was UMC pastor. When she was asked how God sees her, she spoke of a relationship. And people got so confused. In fact, when she was asked to explain a bit more, because people were curious, she became defensive and shut down. By speaking in the Christian language and then not being able to explain oneself we miss the beautiful moments of relationship with people.

Another person on the trip made the comment with me that other religions are lacking a relationship, and I would disagree. We cannot make assumptions about others spirituality, either that they will understand what we are saying when we speak in catch phrases or that we "know" anything about other peoples religions.

Taize: Flowers

2009-08-05T09:28:00.003-04:00

One of the questions our Brother asked us was "how do you think God sees you?" My world was changed by the answer of one of my small group members. He said that when he thinks of his relationship with God, the sees the image of a person (God in this image) lying in a field filled with beautiful flowers. But God chooses to look only at one flower, lying as close to it as possible, smiling. From that moment our group adopted the image of the flower to encourage and bless one another.

Taize: Ends vs. Means

2009-08-05T09:24:00.003-04:00

I was so blessed by my small group and bible study in Taize. This was probably the best part of the entire experience for me. The Brother leading the group was full of wisdom that sparked in depth self-reflection in the community of our small groups. One such self-reflections that hit home were on "ends vs. means". Our Brother pointed out that we often confuse the means of achieving our goals with the end goal itself. Our small group leader built on that to say that we often confuse the means of practicing spirituality (ie reading the Bible or praying) with the unknown and indescribable end that is communing with God. We neglect the journey to the end when we focus too much on the means. I'm just trying to follow the journey trusting that, like the Labyrinth, it will lead somewhere.

Taize: Watching Our Words

2009-08-05T09:13:00.003-04:00

While in Paris we went to visit the "red like district" where the Moulin Rouge is located on our way to another church. My heart was broken here time and time again. The tour guide spoke against the "shady prostitutes", "drug users", and "gypsies". I didn't handle that well, especially after working at the Gatehouse. Who are we to label people? What gives us permission to forget that people are just that, people. They are like us, and do things sometimes that they probably shouldn't do. But if I am not labeled time and time again exclusively by my sins then I shouldn't label others, boxing them into their own being in a way that prevents their escape.

Taize: Art

2009-08-05T09:00:00.003-04:00

I was touched deeply in the Louvre, which was probably my favorite place that we visited in Paris. If we only make ourselves attentive to art, it can speak to the hidden parts of our soul that are often blocked by over analyzing. Some of my favorite pieces included:

- the Blind room - replicas of famous sculptures were created so people can feel them instead of just hear about their description through a headset that is a bit hard to follow. For me this was a beautiful step made towards abolishing ableism. Under each piece of art there were a short description in Braille, but the curators at the Louvre wanted people who cannot see clearly to have the ability to experience art the ways that others do, through their senses, instead of just relying on another person's description.

"The Wedding at Cana" by Giclee. When you see this painting it just is overwhelming. It is over 22 square meters, which is larger than most apartments in Paris. I could have sat in front of this for hours and studied the myriad of what was happening. There were over 130 people depicted in this painting, each celebrating in a different way. If you see, a child and salve alone notice the miracle of the water turning into the wine, which spoke volumes to me.

There was also a beautiful early Italian picture sculpted in stone that sadly I cannot find a picture of. It was a depiction of Jesus' time of agony in the garden and showed an angel come down and take Jesus cup from him. What if Christ's cup was taken, the cup itself was not death? Could we even fathom such a thing?

Taize: Doors

2009-08-05T08:54:00.002-04:00

Every time the Drew family group met during our two weeks together, Jeff, our leader, would ask us what spoke to us the most during the last 24 hours. The first time he asked this was after we visited the Charte Cathedral outside of France, which is well known for its Labyrinth that has been tread on by pilgrims for over 800 years.

While the Labyrinth taught me a lot about life, what spoke to me the most was two tiny doors, maybe even too small for me to slip through, but easily accessible for a child. The two scriptures that merged in my mind were the way is narrow and it is easier for a camel to pass for the eye of a needle with Jesus saying that the disciples must become like children. When we look through the eyes of a child, faith comes easily, as well as trust. Oh that we may become like children to pass through the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Taize

2009-08-05T08:47:00.003-04:00

I know that a few of you are excited to hear about my adventures in Taize, France. However, instead of detailing each of my days, I decided to post some of my reflections and questions.

Post Topic: Money

From the moment we met as a group in the Newark Airport, the topic of discussion was money, which bothered me. Here we were preparing to go on a spiritual pilgrimage and people were infatuated with a thing of the world, one of the very things Jesus warned about time and time again. People boasted about how much money they had or complained about how little. All I could think about was how contrary this was to the life of Jesus. He used what he had - 5 loaves and 2 fish fed 5,000 and a donkey led the march of triumph. When will we learn to be content? During the trip we had one girl spend over 500 Euros in a day and a half. Another was pick-pocked, and yet another lost her debit card. And during all of this, kids were spending there money on anything they could see, with no thought of the cost or whatelse they could do with that amount of money. My soul ached. So when will we be content with what we have in this pilgrimage called life?

Back and Packing

2009-07-22T11:05:00.002-04:00

I have safely arrived back in New Jersey where I now rush around to make final preparations to leave for France. Sadly, I cannot recover as quickly between trips as I did in high school. Perhaps it is because I am now doing everything on my own - cooking, cleaning, packing, laundry, etc. whereas before my parents helped a lot. It makes me appreciate them even more.

Honestly, I am apprehensive about leaving tomorrow. Well, not so much apprehensive as apathetic. I have just arrived home and would really like to sit, rest, and regroup. But alas that is not what is in store. This is not the first time I have wanted to not go on a trip immediately before leaving, and hopefully this trip will have the same results as the last - a fantastic experience full of growth and learning.

I haven't had much time to process my Shalom experience. Actually, I haven't had any time. All I can say is that it is uncomfortable to be back in Jersey, surrounded by so much affluence when I know Denison is hurting deeply.

While I am in France I will be without internet and phone access so I will not be able to update my blog, or respond to texts, voicemails, or emails. But I will update you all when I get back to the United States the first week of August! Until then I would appreciate your prayers for a time of renewal and reflection.

Bullet Holes

2009-07-18T17:17:00.002-04:00

When we were doing a walk through of the Shalom House the other day, Robb pointed out a .22 bullet hole in one of the back windows of what was to be the reading room for children. What a metaphor! We need to seek peace in the places of violence, but cultures that are so rooted in destruction will probably respond to us with violence as well. But peace and ultimate wholeness always trump violence in the end! Amen!

Whirlwind

2009-07-16T18:09:00.002-04:00

While my entire four weeks with North Town Shalom could be described as a whirlwind, this last week in particular is flying by. It's been filled with walking, visits, and of course meetings all on top of packing and saying goodbye. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day (which is hard to balance with my supervisor telling me that I'm working too hard! Goodness!)

Michael made the comment that it is going to be hard to leave Denison, and I agree in some ways. While I'm eager to hand off the report of my work and encourage others to pick up the torch, I will miss the people that have impacted my life. A few weeks ago I had a meeting with a local lawyer who told me that he and I are each forever changed by meeting each other because each person in our life changes us, hopefully for the better. I keep being reminded of this statement time and time again, but especially today as I was filling out my evaluation form. While I didn't have the most healthy relationship with my supervisor I am going to walk away from this last week with at least eight people who have forever changed me in a positive way and to whom I feel close.

In ways I feel like I have been cornered into failing to live up the community organizers creed. But only in some ways. I think when I leave here, North Town Shalom won't be able to say "look at what we done" because there wasn't much teamwork within the group. They wanted an intern to come here and do some things for them and not with them. But the people are starting to organize now outside of Shalom (and hopefully will be involved with Shalom eventually) will be able to say "look at what we did together!" not "look at what the intern did (or did not) do"

I have had some many encouraging meetings during my time here and the last few days have not been an exception. Today I met with Chamber of Commerce, a woman who works with meals on wheels, and a pastor of one of the churches that wants to be involved more in the community. All of them more or less said "what! you aren't asking for money!" because they were so used to being hit up by different organizations for money. Each caught on to the Shalom vision and saw that they had more to offer in their ministry then just money. It was such a beautiful way to almost end my week!

Prophets

2009-07-16T18:00:00.002-04:00

"No true prophet will copy a prophet." - W. Rauschenbusch

No person can copy someone else's experience of living out their call, even if it is the same call. I was told that I could be a community organizer as a vocation the other day. I have been told several times that I am made to preach. I'm not sure how God is weaving all of this together to use me, but I know that I will be used as long as I cling to God. And whatever I become and however I am used will not be like anyone before me or anyone after me.

The other day I was blessed to meet a preacher who is similar to me, very strong in speech, straight forward in thought, walk, and talk. When I think of this pastor and I, I see the Biblical model of John the Baptist - someone crying "Prepare ye, the way of the Lord" even when people didn't want to change and sometimes handing out harsh words in the name of truth and change (remember the brood of vipers comment?). But I am not John the Baptist. I am Michelle. While I can look to his story for strength it is not mine. And while I can learn amazing traits and gifts, like humility, from this pastor who is similar to me, we are not one in the same. We are prophets. And prophets cannot be replicated.

All of humanity cannot be replicated yet all too often as we seek to win someones favor or fit in with a certain group, we sacrifice our unique calling and story in order to be liked. When will we realize that we cannot live out someone else's story? No matter what?

Rauschenbusch

2009-07-16T17:45:00.002-04:00

Water Rauchenbusch is known as the father of the social gospel. In summery he believed that salvation is not so much individual as it is corporate. His thesis was based upon the idea of the corporate salvation of Israel, an idea that Jesus himself held to the in the gospel. While Jesus spoke of some individuals faith he also spoke of Jewish culture and even wept over the entire city of Jerusalem. I read Christianity and the Social Crisis, which is now a Christian theology classic, as one of my textbooks for my time here at Shalom.

The line from that book that struck me the most during my Shaloming here has been "to accept charity is at first one of the most bitter experiences of the self-respecting workingman." I'm not really sure where the Church got the idea that if we give people something that their lives will be better. Shalom wants to empower people, not just give them something as a quick fix and send them on their way.

I've been reflecting on the gospel of Matthew while I have been here. What has stuck out to me is how Christians may claim to be "the hands and feet of Jesus" but don't act anything like Jesus did. Jesus rarely (with possible the exceptions of the feeding of the 5000 and the 4000) just gave something to people. He empowered them through his presence and by being in relationship with them. When is the church going to start doing that? I have seen moments here in Denison where I have affirmed people, telling them of the God-piece I see in them, and they have left changed. You can see it in their eyes. Instead of having the bitter experience of accepting charity, in a way admitting that they could not provide at this moment in time for their family, I spoke life into their being as well as helped them with their basic needs. Do you see the difference? One demands treating people with dignity and respect while the other belittles people as just another charity case or person in a line. Which model does your church practice?

Moving In and Out

2009-07-15T11:45:00.005-04:00

A lot has been happening the last couple of days that I wanted to share.

First, I did end up moving out of my supervisor's home. I'm not entirely sure that she fully understands why, but my theological advisor found me a wonderful family to stay with a few houses away. Note: Family. Deb and Kevin have a 4 year old daughter, Amelia, and two beautiful dogs who like to lick me every morning while I sit petting them. As someone who has grown up in a tight knit family, I know that this is what I was missing while I was at my supervisor - the feeling of cohesion. The beauty of life in community.

After moving out I did have the opportunity to have a meeting with my advisor from Drew and my supervisor here. It went about how I expected it to. One of the things that I admire in my Drew advisor is his ability to make the best of any situation. He left my advisor (I believe) and I, both feeling affirmed. I now only had to meet with my advisor one more time before I leave Denison.

While Michael (my Drew Advisor) was here a lot happened in the name of Shalom. First, my theological advisor spoke to his rather large congregation about Shalom and generated some interest. His church service is also televised so several people at home will be able to hear about Shalom as well.

I was able to meet with the DS of this area. It was quite interesting to receive a phone call from a DS's secretary requesting a meeting, especially from a DS I didn't know! Goodness! But we had a nice time of eating and being in conversation about Shalom. We both wish that we would have known about the resource found in the life and ministry of each other sooner.

I also was able to show Michael and Rob, one of Shalom's strategic planners, the zone and the house. This is a picture of them outside of the house showing off the open door policy.

Michael and I ceremoniously removed a sign offering Shalom services in the area that a.) didn't really reflect the principles of Shalom, since food was given to all, not those who worked to tend the garden and b.) didn't exist. It was quite a touching experience. These pictures show us removing the sign and relocating it to the future site of the garden. However, the sign is now covered with a bag, only to be revealed after the garden is producing crops.

I also had a meeting with Amy, a mother in the area who is involved heavily is Shalom-esque living even though she didn't know it was Shalom. It was amazing to hear her concerns for the area and their mirroring of mine. She will be a wonderful asset in many ways to Shalom here.

And finally, I met with Pastor C.E. Evans. Rev. Evans is the pastor of the largest African American church in Denison. I was told that if anything is to get done in this town then I need this pastors support. He agreed to meet with me after a recommendation from a mutual friend. He was such a blessing to talk to! He and I are similar in our frankness, but he has learned how to use his words powerfully for good. He shared with Michael and I that he has a method for teaching and getting anything done in the church. According to him there are three groups in the church A, B, and C. Group A always listens to what he says and looks to him for guidance. Group B and C don't. So instead of stressing about teaching to all three groups, he speaks directly to group A. But it just so happens that B listens to A, so they learn the lessons through them. And then C learns from B, whom they listen to. What a model for community organizing! He also shared with me the frustration with the occasional nature of Shalom in Denison, but knew that it was a reflection of occasional Christianity that is throughout the entire town.

I appreciated Michael's visit, full of encouragement as well as suggestions for growth. He told me that he could see me having a job in community organizing (although, personally, this experience might be enough for me for now, although I would love to have it as part of my ministry as a pastor and community member) and that I work too hard (which was in great contrast to my supervisor's statements.) God is working, all the time! Amen!

For Those of You Who Don't Know

2009-07-13T12:36:00.001-04:00

A prayer request email I sent last night:

Some of you already know but things got really out of hand with my supervisor today and I was removed from living with her. I praise God that my Drew advisor happened to be in the area early and cared about me enough to change his plans and come take care of me this evening. And I also praise God that my other wonderful Drew advisor listened to me cry on the phone for a good hour and a half off and on today. (I sat outside crying for over 2 hours today - for those of you who know me best you know that I never ever do this). Please pray that a living situation can be found so that I can finish out my week here in Denison - tonight I'm temporarily in a hotel.

Cleaning House

2009-07-12T15:35:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we were cleaning out the "Shalom House". I use the word cleaned loosely. Essentially the house is covered in mold and dirt and everything you can imagine since it had been vacant for years prior to the four years worth of renovation. The pastor described it as "three generations of mold" growing in the freezer and refrigerator. When we left we had made a dent but it still wasn't clean enough to be used.

I found myself getting increasingly frustrated while I was there. Things that were broken beyond repair the team wanted to keep "just in case". These items included: a microwave that couldn't get warm, an expired jug of lighter fluid, church records from the 1980s, a glass table that had shattered and had jagged edges, and my personal favorite - blinds covered in black sporus mold. At one point, a wonderful woman took charge and started to throw all sorts of things out. Amen!

But then there were things that were perfectly usable that the team wanted to throw away. Instead of just shampooing the carpet, they wanted to get new carpet. No no. We don't have money for that and it would be a complete waste.

As I reflected on this experience I kept thinking about how often we keep things that we need to get rid of in our lives. According to Nouwen, "Jesus wants to set us free, free from everything that prevents us from fully following our vocation, free also from everyone who prevents us from fully knowing God's unconditional love. To come to that freedom we have to keep leaving our fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters, and dare to follow him...even there where we rather not go." But we fear letting go of that which clutters our life and harms us. Just like we all too often throw away the people who mean the most to us. Oh Lord, help us properly clean out our spiritual homes.

Permission Giving

2009-07-10T21:48:00.003-04:00

I grew up in what is known as a "permission giving" congregation. This means that if you have a passion to do something, if God is nudging you, then go for it. There is really no reason for the pastor to be involved in every little aspect of each program. But that isn't the way it is down here. Pastors are the ultimate authority and are involved in every little aspect of church life, and their congregation's life outside of church as well. This is just one of many ways that culture is different.

I used to think cross-cultures involved going overseas, or at least outside of the United States. Not the case at all. I was thinking about how I grew up in a farming community (even though I didn't grow up on a farm myself) where people bent over backwards to help each other. Here, people hide from one other and don't associate with people outside of their congregations.

Meat, makeup, hair, dialect, sleeping patterns, ways of acknowledging others, every piece of life is different from place to place. However, it does not mean that we are any less human and deserve respect and love. We are each children of God and deserve to be treated like such, even when we don't understand each other fully.

Community Compromise

2009-07-09T22:00:00.003-04:00

Nothing makes me happier then watching people embrace their passion! To see how their life is a life of Shalom. It makes me want to scream "Amen!"

I had three meetings today, all three were blessings. One lead to a great conversation about the history of this town and how it has led this local lawyer to a life of reconciliation. The second meeting was supposed to be about a location for a literacy program. It ended up being this amazing conversation about reaching children and teen parents. We are going to partner together for parenting classes for teen moms and dads. We are also going to work on education for young girls who are starting their periods with no resources. What a blessings!

Of course this was a bit of a struggle to sell to the supervisor who is stuck on this house idea. And having everything there. But that's not what it means to be in community.

The last meeting was about catering an event, also involving compromises that mark community. :)

Heart Wrenching History

2009-07-09T15:41:00.002-04:00

I was told a very telling story about the city of Denison today.

Churches here don't engage the community, because to do so is to risk losing your members to another church, or gasp! another denomination. So the pastors here literally control the lives of all in their congregation, deciding who can come (even to visit) and won't let people socialize beyond maybe a semi-friendly wave to people who aren't in the same church.

What is absolutely not allowed in some of these churches is service for people outside of the church or interacting with the people where my Shalom Zone is located because they actually worry that "they" will start to come to their church.

Racism is alive and well, friends. And the church is the last institution that allows for segregation, which includes two separate ministriums: One for whites and one for blacks, and the two never shall meet. Actually most people within the white ministrium won't even meet with other whites because they may be convinced to work for something outside of their church.

I had tears in my eyes by the end of this story.

Not in Kansas Anymore, Dorothy

2009-07-09T15:36:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I forget where I am. And then it all comes crashing back. I've been having some issues how to introduce myself to people. Usually we are told to introduce ourselves as "Ministers of Shalom" - which automatically shuts off most people in this Southern Baptist town. I literally have had people just walk away from me after it is said. And I'm not really an "intern" but thought that would be a safe way to introduce myself - but not with Shalom here or the church that is most associated with Shalom. So sometimes I say I'm a "seminary student" which raises the same issues with the Southern Baptists. As a last resort I'll say I'm a "Community Organizer" and then crap hits the fan.

Why? I'm in a red state and in one of the reddest areas of that state.

When I say "Community Organizer" the first thing that comes to my mind is not Obama. But when people hear that here, they get defensive about the "Liberals".

Why does life have to be so complicated?

Telling Quote

2009-07-09T15:34:00.003-04:00

Background on this quote. I've been calling different churches to try to set up meetings with pastors to talk about their vision for Denison and find out what they are already doing. This quote came yesterday:

"You do realize we are a church, right? We don't really do anything. We don't engage our community."

Up and Down

2009-07-08T12:51:00.002-04:00

I feel like my life here in Texas has been a game of Chutes and Ladders.

Monday night with the meeting that went so well and again yesterday with the meeting with one of the city councilmen I felt like I was going from space 28 to 84 - the longest ladder on the board that every child longs to ascend when they play.

But then last night I felt like I went from space 87 to 24 - the longest slide down on the game. However, unlike the little boy on the board who is depicted as sneaking a cookie, breaking the jar, and hurting myself, I would have never saw what happened as even a possibility. Ugh.

Yesterday I was blessed to meet with the annual conference's director for Shalom and my theological mentor. Both awesome meetings. During both of these meetings we talked about my struggle with the fact that this Zone is still in the church model of giving charity as acts of mercy instead of empowering people. Nothing is sustainable apart from the part that there is a guarantee that it will be repeated the same way next year. And assets are not looked for in people outside of the local church.

During my meeting with the annual conference coordinator I was asked about the proposed budget for one of the upcoming events that is held yearly. Since I didn't know a budget had even been proposed, I had no idea how much was requested. It was a huge amount of money. I was taken aback. So was the conference coordinator.

I had the "privilege" of asking my site supervisor what we could remove from the budget. I have no idea what happened but ten minutes later we were trying to figure out if they are doing Shalom. Ahhh.... What makes it worse (beyond the obvious that I didn't want to have this conversation) I didn't bring up whether they are doing Shalom. At all. Essentially she started saying that their work here is neat the point where they could start a second zone now that they have the house. I asked if she had intentionally talked to people about what they want for the zone. She said lots. Then I revealed one of my findings - that no one had mentioned a need for the programs that are going to be going on in the house, but 80%+ of the people I have talked to felt a deep concern and passion to empower the people living in the rundown (and some unlivable) houses. Ugliness ensued.

But did it end there? Oh of course not, we had to return to the conversation about the board. Here is the thing - I have grown up in what is known as a "permission giving church" where if you have passion and an idea you go for it as long as it furthers the Kingdom of God. But here, the Shalom Zone wants to not only know but dictate what other people are doing for Shalom. Ahhhhh! Why? The level of control here and holding of power, makes me feel uncomfortable.

The thought that I would not express and will not express out loud: How can you dictate another's expression of Shalom when you are not seeking the Shalom of the city?

Moving Meetings

2009-07-07T18:12:00.001-04:00

What a day full of three really moving meetings. I got up early this morning in order to be at city hall when it opened for a meeting with the city council member in charge of housing here in Denison. It’s a two-part job. First, he has grant money to fix up the 500+ houses in Denison that are in need of substantial repair in any (or all) of the following areas: plumbing, electricity, central heating and air, roofing, or structure. Each citizen is allowed $4500 for each of these areas of repair if they can prove to have moderate to low income. They petition to be placed on a list for these repairs, which the city of Denison have been doing annually for the past 19 years. There is also money for emergency repairs (such as no water) which will be done within 24 hours. All of the work done for the city is by local contractors. The second part has to do with abandoned houses. If a house is deemed to be abandoned for any reason and cannot be brought up to code for half of its value then the owner is given the chance to make repairs or allows the city to tear it down. The intriguing part of both of these facets of the job is that the homeowner still maintains control. The city does not take over the buildings they fix or the lots of the houses that are knocked down, thus people can continue to benefit from the work of the city. However, far too few citizens know what the city offers them or don’t understand that the city is not taking their home from them. There is so much potential for a partnership between Shalom and the city.

Then in the afternoon I had a meeting with the Annual Conference site coordinator, Sally. It was nice to talk with her about the site and my vision to restore it to Shalom. I also had a meeting with my theological resource person which is always a joy even with difficult topics of conversations such as sexism and racism.

Excellent Meetings 1 and 2!

2009-07-06T23:44:00.002-04:00

Today was a fantastic Shalom day here. Actually its been a good Shalom weekend. On Sunday I attended a Woman's Day program at one of the churches in the zone in the afternoon, and while there I was able to network with several people. One of those people was the pastor I have been trying to reach for 2 weeks. I call that God's planning. He invited me to come talk to him this evening at 6pm. We talked for half an hour and by the end he was captivated by Shalom and invited me to come back at 7pm to talk to his trustees about it, the same day. They were also sold on it and want to get started right away, and are already buzzing with ideas. It was totally worth the hassle of being chased by yet another dog (seriously, people, leashes!) after leaving the first meeting.

As an added bonus, I asked my supervisor to come with me to the later (7pm) meeting. For those of you who don't know, she is gone every day while I'm Shaloming at her job at a bank about 15 minutes away a town over. I've been accused at least twice of not doing my job. So it was nice for her to finally see why individual meetings matter. It also made her be sold on Shalom. I know that sounds funny since she is the site coordinator, but after we left her passion was re-ignited and she understood that we are really about transforming communities and empowering people and not about board structures and hoarding power (both things the people here that are currently involved with Shalom struggle with.)

On an interesting note or two I was once again taken aback by some of the things happening in Denison:

- Denison has an 11pm curfew for everyone under the age of 18. That means no walking or driving after that time or you get a ticket. Sadly, no allowances are made for young people coming from their jobs so people who are working to try to help out their families during the recession are also ticketed if they are out past 11pm, which is not the standard closing time here in Texas. As a result, during the school year they have to make choices about whether they work at all (since they can only work the late shift while still attending school) or get a ticket.

- It is a hassle to get a library card. In order for an adult to get a library card here you must be able to produce a form of photo id that has your address on it and a bill confirming that you are a permanent resident of the area. If you are a parent you must present both items on behalf of your children. If you cannot they charge you 10$ a day for a library card (does this make sense to anyone?) or 40$ a year. Wow. All I can say is that I have been to a bunch of different libraries and have quite a few library cards from different states and have never heard of anything like this. And they wonder why their literacy rate is so poor. Goodness!

Please pray for me, as I have a meeting with a city councilman tomorrow (Tuesday)

Quotes from Denison

2009-07-06T16:17:00.002-04:00

[pointing to me] "Mommy is she a kid?" - Daughter

"No, she is a 'ma'am'. She's just really short." - Mother

"I think you proved that all things aren't bigger in Texas" - Man to me in the grocery store

"And I saw her [my supervisor] with you beside her in the car and I thought 'good Lord she picked up a stranger and the white girl kidnapped her'. But obviously that wouldn't happen now that I see how small you are" - One of my supervisors cousins talking about me

If you haven't caught on, my petite build is quite the topic of conversation here in Texas.

Sexism

2009-07-06T11:13:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I had the honor to go to the Hopewell Missionary Baptist Church's annual women's day program. Each year the Sisters of the church get together and plan a time of reflection and worship. This year's theme was "Waiting on the Lord" and focused on ten key disciplines, struggles, and rewards of waiting on the Lord. These women did an awesome job. All in all, over 25 women had some part in the service that day, and it was beautiful to hear their perspective and to watch them preach, especially in this particular church.

But you could see the tension when each woman got up and thanked God for the opportunity to share His glory with others immediately followed by thanking the pastor for 1.) giving them permission to have the day and 2.) attending the service. Following the wonderful service that lasted about an hour and a half, he felt the need to get up and re-preach everything they said and give his own perspective on what it means to wait on the Lord.

Not only was I ready for him to be done, but I also realized that he was denying the women their authority. By thinking that he needed to repeat everything they said, and then some, he was effectively saying that their words did not have authority without his blessing. It is also flies in the face of asset-based development. Here were women, expressing their many many creative gifts and passions, yet they were not being affirmed in them. They were being told that someone in power let them use those gifts. This, my friends, is not Shalom. On top of that IAF would freak. Its a different form of sexism used to diminish women and keep them under the power of men instead of giving them the freedom to follow God and bless the community without needing permission.

Zone Struggles

2009-07-05T18:52:00.001-04:00

I feel like we are stuck in these repetitive arguments here. And it is draining. Seriously, the zone is not manageable, you don't go to one part of the zone at all, and don't intend to go there. It is just to make yourself seem bigger.

And when we make one possible bit of progress on this issue we recess, and I'm told that we need to keep all of the people, because we need the finical resources of the rich. I felt sick. I think its just as bad to categorize some as "social service projects" as it is to classify others as "moneybags". Why can't we look and see the assets that everyone has to give in their being?

Fireworks

2009-07-05T08:47:00.006-04:00

Last night we celebrated the 4th of July by watching what was supposed to be fireworks. Sadly, many people left before they began due to about a 15 minute delay. When they finally did start there were comments made that they "weren't pretty", "generic", and "not as big as usual". It was a reminder that we have expectations whenever we approach something or someone familiar. When our expectations are not met, no matter how high, then we become disappointed. However, what most people don't realize is that our expectations are exaggerations of what we think we remember, good and bad, which can paralyze us and keep us from experiencing what is right before us.

When we got back to the house the fireworks continued. While it is illegal to purchase and shoot real fireworks within a residential neighborhood many people do it anyway. Some were so close and big that they shook the house. However, there are so many being set off in Denison that the police department becomes overwhelmed by calls and doesn't know what to do.

And finally, I leave you with an intriguing quote from my good friend Jon,

"Fireworks are a perfect symbol of American democracy/capitalism: flashy, loud and short-lived : the united states is like a bad lover..." When I read this quote I cannot help but think of my nickname of "fire-cracker" mostly because I'm so passionate. However, to be a community organizer you have to combine being a firecracker when necessary with being calm, to not be so short-lived, like the firework that makes a bang but than flickers out.

Semitic Style

2009-07-04T13:46:00.003-04:00

"When the young lawyer asked what he had to do to inherit eternal life, Jesus did not recite the law, but answered Semitic-style with yet another question and proceeded to lead the lawyer through more questioning into his story of the Good Samaritan." - from Claiming the Beatitudes

I love what the author describes as "Semitic-style", where people are lead to their own answers through questioning. It relates back to something that we talked about in our Shalom training: my prophetic vision statement could pretty much be summed up in what I sign all of my letters and emails with "You are LOVED!". The first few times I sign emails that way to a person, I'm usually asked what that means. And I respond by asking if they know that they are Loved by God and others. By questioning back and forth helps peoples self-knowledge of their Belovedness. It reminds me of the quote from Wicked, "I just think that if ministers are effective, they're good at asking questions to get you to think. I don't think they're supposed to have the answers. Not necessarily."

And that is what Shalom is about, asking questions, listening to stories, and then leading people to empowerment, Semitic-style, through having people arrive at their own answers.

Doubt

2009-07-04T12:05:00.002-04:00

Last night I watched Doubt, a movie about a nun that is convinced by her senses alone that a priest is acting inappropriately with the school boys. She makes it her mission to have him removed from the parish, however, after she succeeds she admits that she has doubts about what she accused him of.

Often I feel like the synapses in my brain get all crossed over when I read a good book or watch a movie. I draw connections between fiction and real life and anchor it all back in scripture. Maybe that's why I'm called to be a pastor - everything is a sermon example (and not like the creepy Reel to Real magazine that tried to claim that Charlie's Angels was about body image). Doubt was not an exception.

There is one part of the movie where the priest confronts the nun and says that she only sees what she wants to see. This shook my core. Isn't this what Shalom is about, overturning people's ability to just see what they want to see or expect to see, to open their eyes to the assets of the city? But peeling back the film that covers peoples perception is long hard work. I feel like every day I am confronted with what my supervisor thinks about the people I've visited, and sometime it is not kind. Ranging from "he doesn't work very hard", to "I don't trust her", or "she used to be on drugs". She is judging people by what she wants to see in them instead of looking with the eyes of God to their soul.

The Iron Rule

2009-07-03T19:39:00.002-04:00

I'm not very good at the Iron Rule of Community Organizing: "Don't do for others what they can do for themselves." I like to aid people and to do things for them. It's part of my Wendy Personality. But I do see why its important. It empowers people.

And in my case it allows for work to thrive when my month is up. I can't help but compare it to my work at Theological Admissions. Recently I was made Campus Visit Coordinator, and in my few weeks that I worked over the summer I noticed that when people called they continually wanted to speak with the person who had the job before me. When I would explain that she no longer worked there, but that I could help them since I was the new Visit Coordinator, no one wanted to talk to me. Still. Because they had a relationship (over email and by previous phone calls) with the previous coordinator.

How much more will people not want to talk to other Shalom team members in the town after I leave. Somehow in two weeks I have become the face of Shalom here, and I fear the consequences.

Statements

2009-07-02T10:51:00.002-04:00

Two statements were made yesterday that pricked my interest and sent me off thinking.

1.) "Just remember one at a time, one block, on street, one neighborhood."

When I was explaining about what I was doing in Denison, TX, working with Communities of Shalom. The man who made this comment had never heard of Shalom before, but nailed what we were about perfectly. He actually made this statement and my jaw dropped open. It is straight out of our training. I'm def. going back to talk to him again.

2.) "It 10 people walked into my office and said they wanted to do something for the community, I wouldn't know where to send them."

This statement was made by a pastor at one of the local churches, actually probably one of the top three churches that is involved in the community. To hear him talk about not knowing what the community needed, broke my heart. He went on to say that pastors in Denison look for quick fixes instead of prolonged organization that they needed to be committed to for the long hull.

Theological Reflections

2009-07-01T21:49:00.002-04:00

Today did not start out as a very Shalomy day. I was trying to set us some important individual meetings that fell through, so I was a bit bummed. But then my theological resource person took me out for a fantastic lunch with an even better conversation. We talked about my frustration with some of the churches here not wanting to work together. He helped me articulate what I've been feeling when we talked about the independent streak that is marked by pride, to the point where it is harmful. I'm so thankful for my theological advisor! He is such an amazing man of God!

After that my entire day picked up. I had some amazing meetings down on Main Street, making two amazing connections that I could never have dreamed of! God is so good! I met with a young woman who works at the Texoma Children's Museum and is working towards being a teacher (elementary) and specializes in using theater to reach children who traditionally dislike reading. I also met a woman in a shoe store who was so excited about the work I was talking to her about with Shalom. We're in the process of working out some type of cooperation between Shalom and the shoe store as well! Yeah!

As an added bonus, the people at Country Java have come to expect me every day and expressed how much they like seeing me come in. Intentional hang out time is so important! And this is just one of the reasons why.

The Hardest Part

2009-07-01T10:08:00.003-04:00

As I reflect on my limited time here in Texas, I have begun to realize that the hardest part of community organizing is setting aside your own passions and agendas. Let me explain. The iron rule of community organizing is not to do for others what they can do for themselves, and around this rule is everything done in organizing from asking people about their hopes and dreams for the area they are in to action.

Because organizing hinges on the iron rule, I have to wait for people within the community where I am located to point out an issue or problem that they want to address. I need to listen instead of pushing what I am passionate about or what I see as issues. For me that means keeping quiet about environmental concerns even though it breaks my heart. There is limited means to recycle in this town so people throw everything away. Right now there are newspapers, recyclable plastics and cardboard boxes sitting in the garbage can of the house I'm staying in. There are orange peels that could be composted. And even though the water is clean, people generally drink more bottled water, even in their own homes. But until people start asking questions about trash and pollution, I need to honor them by organizing around what their passions point to first. In my mind I equate it to taking care of people's basic needs before trying to motivate them to change. The things that people are talking to me about right now are their basic needs, and deserve to be addressed. Plus if people are not passionate about a concern (like the environment) then it will not be self-sustained when the organizer leaves.

But I still believe that some day the people of this community will seek the Shalom of the Earth.

Questions of the Day

2009-06-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

Well, today was an interesting day Shaloming, that raised some questions for me about the community of Denison.

1.) Why don't neighbors want to be part of a neighborhood? There are dogs everywhere here. While I haven't grown up with animals (I have a brother who is allergic) I love playing with them. But here dogs are not meant to be played with - they are meant to protect property and attack. Most houses here are equipped with a dog (or two or three or four) and a large fence. In some cases the dogs stay inside of the fence and just try to jump over it. But in some cases people just let their dogs loose outside of the fence without a leash with the intent to scare people. I've been told time and time again to watch the dogs as people relay to me the stories of the dog catchers, but today was the first day I was actually chased by two of them. But instead of being upset about the dogs it made me ask, why people feel the need to seclude their self from their neighbors by any means possible.

2.) Where are the kids? Today was a beautiful day. Not too hot (mid-80s), not humid, and there weren't any thunderstorms. Yet, there still weren't any children playing on the streets, in yards, or in any of the parks. So I was wondering where all of them are. Most people here can't afford childcare, so they send them to the boys and girls club (several miles away across a scary highway) or grandparents watch them.

3.) What is the chief drug of choice? Before moving here I was told that there was a drug problem in Denison. I grew up in the town in PA that is known as one of the chief drug trafficking areas due to its strategic location on I-80, so I expected to see signs of drug use (eg. in my town there are used heroin needs scattered about most public places) but didn't see any signs of use until today. As I was walking the neighborhood (right before the doggie incident) I looked both ways before I crossed the street and started to get yelled at by a man. Every pent up frustration he had towards women and caucasians came out. Sexism and racism are rapid here but are the issues no one talks about. While I would have preferred not be cussed out by a man coming down out of a high, at least someone was brave enough to speak what they really thought about the issues.

Jesus' Shalom

2009-06-30T09:19:00.002-04:00

I thought yesterday was a very productive day. I almost finished mapping the zone, even when it involved walking 2.5 hours in the middle of a thunder and lightening storm. I had an excellent time at my "intentional hang out" coffee shop. The only downsides were due to the storm, no one was outside and due to it being Monday hardly any shops were open to talk to owners (in fact, the only ones that were open were ones that I had already been to).

Then crap hit the fan. My supervisor came home and asked what I did today. I told her all about it. Then she asked me when I was going to start actually doing my job. I was taken aback a bit. When I asked her what she meant she wasn't very clear. So I called one of my supervisors at Drew and talked with her for quite some time, telling her what I had done so far in Denison and asked if I was doing anything wrong. I also wanted to know how the application/ request form for an intern was laid out so that I could see if I truly wasn't fulfilling expectations that I should be. In the end, Annie encouraged me and quieted my mind and heart.

As I was praying about the issue I realized that part of the issue was the vagueness of the learning service contract that I had drawn up. So I asked my supervisor (here in TX) if we could sit down and go over it again so that she could explain to me exactly what she wanted in each of those areas. She swore up and down that I never sent it to her (even though I sent three different copies to her - thank goodness that I never delete my sent items - the first two of which she replied to with comments). So we sat down and went over it. The results of said meeting were less than stellar. She got really abrasive and said that this wasn't what she said I was to be doing and that I needed to be assisting with program. Sadly, Shalom doesn't really do programing so I had to make a decision to either do the programing or do Shalom, there really wasn't any way to compromise in this situation.

Annie had suggested that I express how I feel during the conversation, so using the listening and communication skills I picked up along the journey of life (Derek had some big name for them) I repeated what I heard her saying and asked if that was what she meant to give her room to correct me. And I used the "I feel" sentences as to not blame her but just to express my own emotions. When I said that I felt untrusted the world snapped. It got ugly. But she still insisted that I document everything I do every day including but not limited to where I go, who I talk to, what we talk about, and the number of conversations I have each day.

As I was thinking about this last night and praying some more - I began to see the image of Jesus as embodying Shalom. Jesus didn't need to talk to a certain number of people each day and he didn't have an agenda other then to bring about love and justice. As a follower of Christ I am called to do the same thing. To embody Shalom. To be available for people. To treat them with dignity and respect. And in a town where people don't really trust each other, that may mean not putting some one's name next to a comment they make or sharing conversations unless they give you permission to do so. I am sent here to be Shalom. To be and not to do. To be Shalom is to be authentic and available and the incarnation of love and justice. It's quite a tall order in a social service laden society, but this is what I am called to so this is what I will walk in the light of.

Prophetic Imagination for Denison

2009-06-29T17:05:00.002-04:00

As I was walking a three more streets in Dension today I was praying as I went. Then I started to think back to our training on Prophetic Imagination. It may seem presumptuous, but I think I have started to for a prophetic imagination for Denison. Then today as I was reading Building a People of Power: Equipping Churches to Transform Their Communities by Robert C. Linthicum (one of the books for required reading this summer for my classwork for Shalom) I stumbled across this section about the characteristics of a Shalom community that mirrored my prophetic imagination image for Denison.

These characteristics include: safe and affordable housing for everyone, jobs that provide adequate income and bring meaning (and dignity) for all, Health care for all, neighborhoods that are safe and supportive, environments that are healthy, equally distributed wealth - no disparity in incomes, wealth, and positions, and where people live in peace with one another. (pg 21-22).

With that in mind - Prophetic Imagination for Denison: I believe that one day Denison will be free of drugs and violence. One day children will have a safe place to play and that parks will be filled with laughing voices again instead of being abandoned. I believe that here people will be able to cross the street without being hit by a car, and that cars can drive down any street without worrying that the deconstructive construction will ruin their only form of transportation. I still believe that Denison can be an inviting place for all and that people will be welcomed at the Greyhound Bus station instead of shoved off of the bus. I believe that people will be fed and that everyone can find a job that is not degrading. Single mothers will be able to provide for their children. Children and adults will be able to eat healthy food and have health care. And people will be good stewards of the Earth - recycling, composting, and tilling the ground. Finally, I believe that neighbors will trust each other enough to be open. Denison can embrace Shalom and be Shalom.

While Denison has so much need there is a much bigger issue that is creating a rift in the community. While Denison embodies Southern Hospitality, people do not trust one another. Neighbors do not share their issues with one another because historically any rumor or truth of an issue will spread like wildfire through the small town resulting in being ostracized.

So what are the effects of not being able to be honest with one another? One story I have to share with you: I convinced Rhonda (my supervisor) to drive part of the zone with me the other day. She doesn't care to walk anywhere and is freaked out by dogs (the leash law means very little here) but she would drive for a bit. I was pointing out to Rhonda the houses that really need some repair work, especially on the roofs (for some of these houses when it rains it pours right through the roof) or the windows (a fair number of houses have plastic covering their windows instead of having any type of glass). As I pointed out one of the houses, Rhonda gasped. The house belonged to her cousin and fellow church member. All she could say was that she didn't know.

One of the Shalom team members during our meeting the other day shared that the Shalom house and zone need to be a place where people's secrets and problems are safe. I had just assumed that was going to be the case. I guess it ended up being something that needed to be explicitly stated.

One last story to share from today: As I was walking down one of the streets today I noticed a car that someone was obviously living out of (but they weren't in the car at the time). All I could think was that I didn't know what was worse - living in a car that at least didn't have any holes in it and had all the windows intact or living in a house with no electricity (which means air conditioning), running water, or gas (which here means the ability to cook for most people) and with a hole in the roof during the horrible thunderstorm we had for the majority of last evening and this morning. No one should be forced to make a choice like that.

When I Rise

2009-06-29T10:14:00.002-04:00

This morning it was hard to get out of bed. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm having some serious issues moving my neck, so I took a pain pill that knocked me out. I had set my alarm for 8:30am, in order to be downtown by 11am. Dension is a bit of a sleepy town, not really opening any shops until 10am, which for them really means 11am. Signs that are posted with hours hold little validity, its more of a hit and miss game.

So I set my alarm, but my supervisor woke me up at a quarter until 8 to make sure that I was going to do something today. And the frustration of the morning began. When I tell her what I have accomplished every day, she is never pleased. But she will boast about what I've done to other people who affirm that I'm doing a lot in a short amount of time.

I told her the plan for the day, which was to go downtown and walk the last 4 streets of the zone, but not until 11am, because that is when all of the shops open and I want to be able to talk with people. It also happened to be in the middle of a massive thunderstorm (which was awesome!) so I didn't think I should be walking outside. Haha. It would defeat the whole self-care thing.

The more I reflect on it, I think its just hard to be in the living situation I'm in. The two choices both had their drawbacks. Since I don't have a car and I'm not old enough to rent one, there is no way that I could have stayed in one of the motels. Plus, I wouldn't have felt comfortable there and wouldn't have been able to eat properly. That being said, it is equally hard to live with the person you are working for. There is no safe space to talk or to cry or even to really just be. And that is difficult. I miss the freedom that my parents awarded me so long ago of not having to justify everything I do.

There is also an expectation that I will work 8-5 every day like my supervisor, but that isn't how Shalom works. You go to where the people are, when they are there. And that's not necessarily 8-5. And quite frankly, its taxing to talk to strangers for that many hours a day, and when I come home there is no place to rest, because there is an expectation that we are going to dissect everything I did that day.

Please pray for endurance and my living situation.

When to Stop

2009-06-28T20:25:00.002-04:00

Today I had a change in plans. I originally thought I was going to spend the majority of the day at Haven Chapel UMC at church which was to be followed by a BBQ. But it ended up that today was the last day for their current pastors. After watching the tears being shed at church, I decided that Shaloming was out of the question at that event. It would be like talking to people about life and change at a funeral.

What a reminder that sometimes plans have to change in order to be the most effective and to bless the lives of others.

Meetings

2009-06-27T11:01:00.002-04:00

The last few days have been filled with individual meetings (and a group meeting). This morning I rose early, yes even on a Saturday, to go down to the Market. Once a quarter the City of Denison opens up this huge, beautiful grassy area on Main Street to vendors. People pay $15 and can set up their tents around 6am in the morning. Then people come to browse and buy from 8am to 4pm. Usually the grassy air is packed. But today there were only five vendors (apparently the 6th one left before I arrived at 9am) and hardly any people browsing. But the limited people gave me a great opportunity to chat with people and find out more about what people think. There seems to be a lot of anger towards the City of Denison. They don't seem to take care of their citizens very well. People are offered only $1000 to fix homes that you can't even put a nail in without them falling down (literally, its that bad) and they charge people to set up for the Market Day but don't provide advertising (they did last time, but this time it was only online and really how many people visit the website for their city?) or even facilities to go to the bathroom for the vendors.

I talked to people who had been in the town from 15 to 52 years. And each said that they hadn't been in Denison a very long time, and all have a deep love for their neighbors. That warmed my heart. I also made a great contact with a guy who owns two businesses in town an is very invested in the community!

Yesterday I had a meeting with the Shalom team. There seems to be mixed feelings in the group between those who just wanted to complain and those who were willing to engage people to bring about Shalom. I was able to take Rhonda with me to Market Day today and she seemed to enjoy engaging people, although surprised by how much time and care I took with each person. I'm hoping that if I can be Shalom for her that in turn she can be and model it for others.

During the best part of the meeting, Rhonda asked people to think of a need inside the zone or a possible program. I then handed out the Shalom bookmarks (thanks Peggy!) with the acrostic on it and asked each person to think of a way to address the each issue brought up. It seemed effective! And a few people really caught on to the vision! It's a great start!

Let The River of Blessing Flow

2009-06-26T18:33:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day of Shaloming for me in Texas! Two streets outside of the zone are the three streets that are considered to be downtown. I decided to talk to some of the shop owners, and surprise! it ends up that most live somewhere within the zone. So I just chatted away. I plan to spend a bit of time in this area every day because I was able to locate not one, but two places for me to intentionally hang out each day, which is actually part of our assignment. One is a 50's style diner known as Peggy Sue's. For those of you who don't know, I have this fascination with diners. As an added bonus it is also an ice cream parlor! The second place is a coffee shop (after everyone told me that they didn't exist in Denison!) called Country Java. What a blessing and answer to prayer. I also decided to walk one street within the zone each day and sit on my front porch for a bit, to make myself visible to the community.

The conversations that emerged while I was walking today were also huge blessing. I talked to three people, two of whom are life long residents of Denison, and the third who has lived here for 30 years. While they were talking, an interesting pattern emerged. When we chatted about what each individual liked about the town they actually mentioned what they liked about the next town over, Sherman, an area that is economically better off than Denison. In their mind they rolled them together, almost like they needed to go to the next town over in order to talk about something they think is an asset or they like. But when people talked about their passions and desires for the town, about what it needed, Sherman was forgotten and they talked about Dension. The need for new roads (wait until I upload the pictures), industry (because without industry, job training is useless, no one is hiring as business continue to shut down), and rejuvenation of houses in the area. It ends up that the city of Denison allows for people to live in run down houses, with roofs caving in and that look like they are falling apart, without electricity, water, or heat, as long as they don't complain. Now I understand why some of the houses have this unique stench outside of them, there is no way to flush a toilet, let alone clean them.

The finally blessing of the day came in the form of a phone call. Huge huge asset and blessing. I called to ask a consort um of local medical personal if they would like to attend Denison Shalom's Back to School program. It ends up they more than wanted to come, they would come for free. And the woman I talked to was involved with a drive for back to school supplies, that she is going to donate. And she also is on the board for an organization called Kid's Closet which donates brand new clothes to needy families. I immediately scheduled an individual meeting with her.

Now before I sign off this post, some interesting observations I made while I walked down Main Street (the middle and busiest of the three downtown streets today). There were no less than 10 Antique Shops and 5 Art Galleries. For every 2 business that were open, 1 was closed, shut down, abandoned, or going out of business. And there are very few places to actually shop - apart from the antique shops, with most of the other businesses being legal services or doctors offices.

God's Faithfulness

2009-06-25T22:21:00.003-04:00

I am never ceased to be thankful by the blessing of God's faithfulness. Last night was truly a night of crying out to God after a distressing and frustrating day of Shaloming. But today I woke up to a voicemail from my roommate and several encouraging emails. I was then able to be blessed by the wisdom of my lovely roommate in an encouraging and loving conversation that helped me articulate some of the frustrations I have been feeling. I was also comforted by her wisdom from walking through some of the same trials. What a reminder that we never walk through trials alone. Ever.

Individual Meeings

2009-06-25T15:28:00.003-04:00

I finished mapping out the zone today. It took quite a bit longer than I anticipated. Essentially we found out last night that the street where the team thought the zone ended was incorrect - adding an additional 4 streets to the area, making the grand total 14 streets by 7 streets.

Last night Rhonda and I sat down again to talk. The more we talked, the further the principle of Shalom being about people sunk in and captivated her. I explained about talking to people in order have them steer what the zone did. In other words you don't go about planning how to organize a community without asking the people in the community about their community. All good intentions will be ruined without involving people.

We also talked about what it means to be a leader. The team equated a "leader" with a person who wanted to join the board of their Shalom Zone and wanted to know at what number they should cut off the number of "leaders" on the board. But really, I wouldn't want to sit on a board, even though I have leadership skills, so its not something I can ask someone else do. And a board, according to Shalom's asset based development and IAF's entire concept, is not the sole leadership or even a good sample of the leaders in an area.

"Heal this wounded healer and point me to the good road. Lord I'm ready for a change, only You can make me change.... Give my life a new start and plant in me afresh the seed that grows and blossoms into the fruit of blessing." - Ready for a Change (Mark Miller)

One A Lighter Note - Fun Denison Facts Pt 1

2009-06-24T22:30:00.002-04:00

Dension is:

- The birthplace of President Eisenhower

- The hometown of Captain Aaron Sullenberger who safely landed the plane on the Hudson in January

More to come!

Re-Shalom, Please?

2009-06-24T20:54:00.004-04:00

Today I took time to intentionally walk the Shalom Zone here in Denison. Generally a zone is defined as One, one neighborhood, one city block, or one street. In the case of Macon, GA it is is one town (but with multiple zones within the town limits). The zone in Denison is much larger than one. There aren't really neighborhoods here so it can't be one neighborhood, so the designated area ended up being 7 streets by 11 streets. It's days like this that I wish I would have a pedometer to show people how many miles that I walked today within the zone.

I was really pleased with what I got accomplished today. I felt that I had actually gotten a feel for the neighborhood, and noticed some the assets within the area. It was also the first time that I could break away from having other people drive me around and have my little legs carry me. I miss walking a lot. And quite frankly, there were days in Australia that Shane when we would between 6 and 15 miles (was that the max, Shane?) in a day. Goodness! How my legs crave that! It's also so hard to meet people from your car driving past. You need to walk to have those Individual Meetings that define Shalom.

But alas, when I returned, I got sort of chastised and challenged for "wasting my time" walking around instead of "doing what I'm supposed to be doing". In other words I was wasting my time getting to know people and the neighborhood instead of doing. Apparently no one has actually walked the neighborhood in all of its massive nature or gotten to know people outside of a few churches (3/13) that participate.

This, friends, is not Shalom. Shalom is not about doing for the sake of doing or giving people a handout or programing. It's about relationship and wholeness. It's about engaging people by asking them what they see the needs are in their area and what the assets of that neighborhood is and how to achieve that. And that is lacking here. But I'm praying that God changes visions and hearts. Even just a little so that people are honored and blessed. But maybe we need to just completely overhaul the system. Maybe it's like what Jay used to say - some things need to die to be resurrected.

First Meeting

2009-06-23T22:44:00.002-04:00

Today was my first meeting with my theological recourse person. It was an EXCELLENT meeting! Rev. Nichols shared with me the story of Denison. The town was built up around the railroad industry. The white collar railroad owners (mostly white) lived in a different area of town and looked down upon the blue collar railroad workers (mostly african american). The effects of this segregation run deep and racism is a real thing here, but no one will talk about it.

The more I am in Denison, the more horror stories I hear about people in poverty. WIC has ceased to exist. And you can only have 19 trips to the food pantry in your LIFETIME. There is so much need here, yet the people in my Shalom Zone won't focus on it. They want to only think about what they see in their minds as possible. Imagination is absence. And thus eyes are shut to deep need.

Traveling

2009-06-23T09:34:00.002-04:00

Last night I felt that I gave you all a very inadequate post, mostly because I was exhausted. So here is a real post about my experiences yesterday. Andrew picked me (and all of my luggage) up around 9:15am and after a quick weight check we were off to the airport at Newark. Thankfully, Andrew is a gentleman and didn't make me navigate my way through the airport with my luggage alone. We had to lug the beasts up three escalators before finally reaching the check in counter (where the self-check in and I had a small tangle, I know we are all shocked).

The flight to Dallas was direct and went really smoothly. The airplane left on time from EWK and actually arrived early at DFW. DFW may be my new favorite airport. Everything is accessible and cheery.

After claiming my bags I met Sally, who works for the North Texas Annual Conference, and off we went on our two and a half hour drive towards Denison. After just driving through Newark, it was amazing to see how everyone drove respectfully around the Dallas area, which is obviously much larger. There wasn't any honking or tailgating and a respectable and safe distance was kept between cars. The other thing that struck me about Texas is how spread out everything is. Buildings are not side by side or stacked on top of each other. It's also HOT! When we landed it was 96 degrees but it crept up to 103 before the end of the day.

We arrived where we were to meet Rhonda, who runs the Shalom in Denison and whom I am staying with, early so we went to check out the site. The shalom area is hard to describe because it isn't 1 neighborhood, 1 city, 1 square mile, or 1 block. It's a huge area that is residential, consisting of churches and homes.

Denison itself broke my heart and overwhelmed me. As we drove in we saw sign after sign after sign that designated that businesses were closed and homes were abandoned. The recession hit hard here in an area that was already struggling.

After meeting Rhonda for dinner, Sally left, and Rhonda and I re-visited the Shalom Zone and surrounding areas and I prompted her to tell me a bit after the area and the zone. After driving around for a bit, we arrived at her home where I settled in for the evening.

Rhonda really does have a heart of gold. When we were driving around we came across a woman who was yelling "stop" at the top of her lungs (which we could only make out through her mouthing of the words above the roar of the air conditioning). Rhonda felt so guilty for not stopping that she backed the car up in reverse to the woman who told us another heart wrenching tale and Rhonda gave her money to help out. She truly is a beautiful woman of God!

Denison

2009-06-22T22:37:00.002-04:00

Friends, I've arrived safely in Denison, TX. Already it breaks my heart. The recession has taken its toll here, with a lot of shops bearing a "closed" or "for rent" sign. Most of the houses are depleted.

But Denison is also a historical site with so much to offer.

Please pray. Walking the neighborhood to get a feel tomorrow.

Prophetic Imagination and Vision

2009-06-07T21:59:00.002-04:00

We were asked during one of our training sessions to think in terms of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Still Believe" section of his speech "The American Dream" which was given at Drew University. From that statement of what we still believe can happen in our wildest imaginations, we were to create vision statements for what we can do now.

Prophetic Imagination: I still believe that one day we will affirm the beauty of every person we encounter and every place we go. I still believe that some day all we meet will know that they are LOVED by God and others and have blessed the Earth by their presence.

Personal Vision Statement: To let all people know that they are LOVED and to help them recognize that they are WORTHY of that divine and human love.

Self-Care

2009-05-31T13:49:00.003-04:00

Throughout my time in Shalom and IAF (Industrial Areas Foundation) I have been struck by how important self-care is in the work of ministry, in whatever form that takes. This summer I will be far outside of my comfort zone, speaking to strangers and traveling alone, working in a new area of community organizing. I quickly realized that I needed a self-care plan, however, it wasn't until Annie (another Shalomer) prompted us to write about of plan, that it dawned one me the importance of accountability. We need to speak and write our goals into life so that we can see them, but also so others can ask us about them, holding us accountable. Please, hold me accountable to taking care of myself, this summer and beyond.

My plan to stay healthy and whole this summer:

1.) Read for pleasure
2.) Take time each day to journal
3.) Walk to more places
4.) Stay centered in devotions

Gearing Up for Shalom - Shalom Moment from the Past

2009-05-13T13:10:00.001-04:00

As I gear up to leave for my Shalom Zone in Denison Texas for the Summer, we were asked to think about a Shalom Moment we've had before:

In the spring of 2006, I traveled to Vladimir, Russia to share in an Ecumenical Easter celebration. While there I was dependent upon translators to help me communicate with my peers due to my limited knowledge of Russian. Yet in the moments when translators were absent, I had the opportunity to experience a Shalom moment.

While at a young adult retreat over (Western) Eastern weekend, there were approximately eight Americans, two of whom spoke Russian, and eighty native Russians, three of whom spoke English well enough to be translators. The chaos that emerged was holy ground for birthing beauty. As each of the Americans struggled to be near a translator, I managed to get displaced and ended up sitting with another American and six Russians around an oak table with a deck of Uno cards. For the next three hours, we played Uno and taught each other different versions of the game, without being able to communicate anything to each other apart from our four basic colors in both languages.

The following year when I returned to Russia for the same retreat, I was immediately remembered as the girl who played Uno. God used a simple card game that I had been playing since my childhood to bring Shalom into the lives of others and myself. In a place where language should have been a barrier, we used the assets we were given to love each other in our across cultures and bring wholeness to each other’s lives.